Hello needle my old friend
Day 9 of IVF cycle #3 and I am realising I am now a total pro at this. I don’t even flinch at the needles anymore. I know all the spots for easy entry and have technique that would rival any committed junkie. I’m so used to the internal ultrasound wand that I’m practically whipping off my pants and putting my feet in the stirrups the minute I walk into the doctor’s surgery. The nurse at the pathology lab even knows me by first name (and often skips me to the front of the line – oh the perks of being a frequent flyer!).
The point of this? Well while I’m jumping back into cycle number three with gusto, when I stop to reflect on the whole thing, I realise that I don’t hold out much hope at all of achieving a viable pregnancy with this cycle. In fact I’ve pretty much resigned myself to it.
You may be asking yourself why I am bothering doing another cycle if I have this attitute. Well, for a while I felt the same way. But really, for me, I feel like I need to give it one more go. If I didn’t, I’d always be thinking ‘what if?’ This is my final roll of the dice for a pregnancy carrying my own biological child – so I feel like I have to exhaust all avenues (to a realistic point) before letting go and moving on. And that is what I am achieving with this cycle.
In one sense, the cycle is a lot easier. It can’t get any worse than last cycle, and I am approaching it with an attitude that, if nothing else, it will bring me closure.
So egg harvest will be next week some time. Crossing fingers and toes that I don’t wind up in hospital like last time. My next entry will probably be after then.
Wish me luck!