Screw you, universe

At the start of our last cycle, I wrote a Facebook message directed at the universe. I’m not a religious person so that seemed like the logical thing to do. I asked the universe to start sending good things my way, after all, surely I have had more than my share of bad recently – haven’t I?

Well, on Monday it was clear what the universe’s answer was, as a new cycle began with a vengeance, thus signaling the end of this IVF journey.

I thought I’d be OK with it. Logical me knew it wouldn’t work. But the desperate, emotional me was just hoping for the universe to finally cut me some slack. Stupid.

The realisation that I’ll never carry my own biological child has hit me like a truck – and it hurts like hell.

But eventually the pity party needs to stop and I have to remember that I’m lucky. Lucky to have the support if my husband and family. Lucky that I have awesome friends around me. Lucky that I can look forward to the donor egg process.

And in the meantime, I need to learn to be me again. And for my life to be driven by something more than having a baby and IVF.

So screw you, universe. I’m going to do this without your help

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Posted on June 12, 2014, in 2014 - The year of living uncomfortably. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I’m so sorry. This is really devastating news and you’ve got every right to feel sad and heart broken. I just wish there was something I could say or do to make it different. I love that even at this tough cross roads, though, you’re able to find something to be grateful for. I will send my baby-dustiest thoughts for your egg donation process. xx

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