Category Archives: 2013 – the start of something big
When it was time for the first round of IVF, I was excited. I thought that this would be it and things would finally start to happen.
I began injections and surprised myself by doing them easily (despite the bruising on my stomach making me look like I’d been sunbaking in a hail storm). Things moved slowly as my doctor had started me on low doses of the drugs due to my PCOS.
Then halfway through the cycle we hit a bit of a hurdle. Blood tests were not showing normal levels of estrogen and the doctor suggested that we might need to cancel the cycle. The thought of this was devastating. I was so sure this cycle would work and I would be pregnant. The doctor took one look at my tears and suggested we keep going for a couple more days to see if things changed.
So I fronted up to the next appointment with Marty in tow, bracing myself for the worst, but got some perplexing news instead. Apparently after two more days of injections, my estrogen levels were through the roof. The doctor had the lab re-run my previous results and it turns out they had initially got them wrong! Just ‘one of those things’ apparently. But for me it meant ovaries the size of watermelons and a strong chance of OHSS (ovarian hyper-stimulation syndrome). It also meant they couldn’t do a ‘fresh’ transfer on this cycle and that we would need to wait to the following month to do an FET (frozen embryo transfer). I was miffed but glad at least that the cycle hadn’t been completely abandoned due to the pathology lab’s cock up.
The egg pick procedure was booked and we ended up with 12 eggs, 9 of which fertilized. These were really pleasing results and we looked forward to having plently of day 5 embryos frozen for future transfers.
Big guns = IVF
That’s the message I got when I returned to the doctor after my three months of trying with no ‘luck’ (man I have grown to hate that word!)
The doctor said due to my age and relative lack of issues (yep – that’s what he thought at this stage) that we should have success ‘cutting out the middle man’ and heading to IVF.
I was actually excited by the prospect, but concerned that my husband would not. The whole way home I thought about how to tell him the news and get him to agree. I felt like I would need to sell the idea, to convince him this was what we needed to do. Each step of the way so far, I had been so much more emotionally vested in the process. I was not sure my husband felt strongly enough about the need to get pregnant to be prepared to turn to IVF.
These concerns turned out to be unwaranted. As soon as I told him what the doctor said, he immediately agreed to go to IVF. No convincing/begging/crying necessary! It was at this point that I realised he was now at the point where he was wanting it as much as me.
At this point, though, I did first start to harbour some resentment about the whole process. Why should we have to go through the emotional, physical and financial stress to have a baby when so many other women found it so easy? Was I any less deserving than them? I knew I would be a good mother. I was ready to be a good mother. And in my job – I meet plenty of not-so-good mothers. I started to develop a pretty severe case of the ‘why me’s?’
So, anyway, we had our appointment at the IVF clinic, found out the information – and the cost (yikes!) and prepared to start IVF with my next cycle. I came to terms with that fact that this would just have to be the process I would go through to have my baby, and that was OK.
I was nervous, excited and my sense of hope and confidence had well and truly been reignited. I fully believed that I would be successful first cycle. My luck was surely about to change.
Back to the doctor I went in March, ready for the next step and confident this would yield results.
I was booked in for surgery and actually found myself looking forward to it. The doctor said with many women, they found that they fell preganant within a couple of months after having the laproscopy. The ‘clean out’ apparently made it easier to get pregnant and I was convinced this is what would happen for me.
The surgery itself went smoothly. I had pain for a few days but it didn’t bother me as I had things to look forward to!
In my follow up appointment, the doctor confirmed the PCOS diagnosis after the surgery, but was happy to report there was no sign of endometriosis. He sent me off for three months of trying on our own. I left feeling happy and hopeful.
After three months passed, though, happy and hopeful had turned into worried and woeful.